Building in Public: The Raw Startup Journey Behind a Self-Dating App

Wait... What's a Self-Dating App?

Yup, you read that right. I'm building a self-dating app — a platform designed not to help you find someone else, but to help you fall in love with yourself first. Think intentional time with yourself, emotional check-ins, reflection prompts, and guided solo adventures. It's dating, but you're the one you take out.

But this blog post?

It's not a product pitch. It's the real, unfiltered story of what it's like to build something meaningful in public — with the world watching (and sometimes judging), all while trying to figure things out one step at a time.

The concept isn't as unusual as it might sound. Psychology Today highlights the importance of self-dating as a practice for developing emotional independence. And according to a 2023 Bumble survey, 53% of Gen Z and Millennials are prioritizing emotional availability and self-development before entering romantic relationships.

Why I Chose to Build in Public (Even Though It's Kinda Terrifying)

Let's be real — building a startup is already chaotic. So why throw in the extra pressure of doing it publicly?

Because transparency builds trust. Because people want to follow a journey, not just a launch. And because I know I'm not the only one trying to build something while healing, growing, and experimenting with new ways of living.

When I was building my first product I built in private. I didn't share lessons, product updates or just my own personal insights. For some time I was blogging on Medium but I felt that I don't have much to say so I stopped. I also shared a few updates on LinkedIn but then I also stopped because nobody was excited about me building that product. Should have been my first clue that I shouldn't build but I kept going.

Buffer pioneered the approach of building in public by sharing their salaries, revenue, and even their failures openly. Their transparency resulted in a 3x increase in customer acquisition rates. Indie Hackers research shows that founders who build in public are 70% more likely to stick with their projects long-term compared to those who develop in stealth mode.

Here's what building in public does for me:

✅ Keeps me accountable and consistent

✅ Helps me attract aligned people (users, teammates, even investors)

✅ Builds a community around the mission — not just the product

✅ Reminds me that I'm not alone in the messy middle

What It Actually Looks Like to Build in Public

Not just tweets and founder selfies. Here's what my build-in-public system looks like week to week:

1. Weekly Open Notes (Build Logs)

I post raw updates about wins, losses, product updates, and emotional check-ins. These go out as LinkedIn posts.

Example:

"This week we scrapped an entire onboarding flow we spent 2 weeks on. It felt like a loss, but we learned that trying to force a 'feel-good' experience was backfiring. Sometimes, feeling everything is the goal."

This practice aligns with what Y Combinator calls "increasing surface area for luck" – the more you share, the more opportunities come your way.

2. Real-Time Product Decisions

I ask my audience for input on features, language, tone, and even design.

Example:

"Would you rather the app say 'Take Yourself Out' or 'Date Yourself Today'? Vote below 👇"

Harvard Business Review notes that companies that co-create with their audience see 40% higher customer retention rates. It's not just engagement – it's strategic product development.

3. Sharing Emotional and Business Lessons

I don't hide the fact that I'm building this app while healing from my own relational patterns. That honesty connects with people more than any polished pitch ever could. I also share lessons on resilience and insights from my previous experience and what am I doing different this time.

According to Brené Brown's research, vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation and change. Her studies show that teams with leaders who share vulnerabilities experience 26% higher creativity rates.

Wins (That Aren't Just About Metrics)

Let's be honest. Sometimes, the metrics are meh. But the wins? Oh, they're everywhere if you look close enough. From the moment I've started my posting journey I attracted the following opportunities.

🔥 People started to follow my journey, they got excited and asked me about the product saying that this is going to be epic.

📩 I have been approached by one of my old contacts with the invitation to participate in the startup resilience confrence in Vienna.

🤝 I attracted an opportunity to go to Lisbon for four days to pitch in front of investors and show what I've built.

Lesson: When you build in public, you attract alignment over attention. And that's priceless.

First Round Review found that startups with engaged communities have an 88% higher survival rate than those that build in isolation. The Startup Genome Project confirms this, noting that founder connections and community support are among the strongest predictors of startup success.

Mistakes, Facepalms & Pivots

Of course, it's not all inspiring feedback and good vibes. Here's some of the messier stuff I've learned:

😬 Overexposing Too Early: I once shared a feature idea that I hadn't validated. People got hyped… and then I had to kill it. It felt like I let folks down.

🧱 Burnout from Performing: There's a fine line between sharing authentically and trying to impress. I've crossed it. I had to reset and find ways to protect my own mental space.

🔁 Changing Direction Mid-Way: The MVP I started with is nothing like what we're building now. But instead of hiding the pivot, I shared it — and people respected the honesty.

The 2023 State of Startups report found that 78% of successful startups pivoted at least once from their original idea. A CB Insights study reveals that inflexibility and failure to pivot when needed accounts for 7% of startup failures.

Practical Tips for Founders Who Want to Build in Public

Here's what I'd recommend if you're ready to start sharing your journey more openly:

1. Start with a Weekly Build Log

Post once a week. Doesn't have to be fancy. Just share:

What you built
What you learned
What's next
How you feel

Growth Hackers research shows that consistency matters more than frequency – founders who post weekly updates see 3x more engagement than those who post sporadically, even if the sporadic posts are more polished.

2. Show, Don't Just Tell

Share screenshots. Share rough drafts. Show your Notion board. Take people inside the actual build.

Notion's own growth story demonstrates this principle – they grew to 1 million users largely through sharing their own internal workflows and templates.

3. Balance Sharing with Boundaries

Protect your headspace. Not every part of the process needs to be public. It's okay to keep some pieces sacred.

Founder mental health research indicates that 72% of entrepreneurs report mental health concerns. Calm's founder blog emphasizes establishing clear boundaries as essential for sustainable entrepreneurship.

4. Be Useful, Not Just Visible

Make sure your updates deliver value — whether that's inspiration, insight, or a behind-the-scenes lesson.

According to Content Marketing Institute, content that educates generates 3x more leads than promotional content. When you're genuinely helpful, growth follows naturally.

How It's Shaping the Product (and Me)

Building in public isn't just good for content — it's shaping the actual product. Because every post, every comment, every DM gives me insight into what people want, how they think, and what they're struggling with.

And beyond the app? It's shaping me.

I'm learning to:

Be more honest with myself
Sit with discomfort
Keep going, even when I don't know the full path

That's the heart of this whole self-dating philosophy anyway, isn't it? Learning to show up for yourself — publicly and privately.

The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology published research showing that public commitment to goals increases follow-through by up to 40%. When we declare intentions publicly, we're more likely to honor them.

Besides I am sharing my experience and expertise with people showing them that you can build and share unapologetically what you are doing. It puts you ahead of those who shy away from such bold moves.

What's Next?

More building. More sharing. And hopefully, more people stepping into their own self-relationship.

Here's what I've got in the pipeline:

📱 A beta waitlist for early testers of the self-dating app

🧘‍♂️ A content series on emotional UX

📚 A free guide: "How to Build a Purpose-Driven App While Staying Human"

If you're curious, come along. Let's build differently. Let's build publicly. And let's build with heart.

According to Product Hunt data, products with active pre-launch communities have 3.5x more successful launches than those that build in stealth. The 2023 Developer Survey from Stack Overflow similarly shows that developer-entrepreneurs who engage with communities pre-launch report 65% higher satisfaction with their product's initial reception.

FAQ

Q: Do I need to have a big following to build in public?

Nope. Start small. Even 10 engaged people is a community.

Kevin Kelly's "1000 True Fans" concept proves this – you only need a small, dedicated community to sustain a creative endeavor. Gumroad founder Sahil Lavingia started sharing his journey with fewer than 100 followers.

Q: What if I don't have everything figured out yet?

Perfect. That's the best time to share — when the story's still being written.

Reid Hoffman's famous quote applies here: "If you're not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you've launched too late." The same goes for sharing your journey.

Q: Isn't it risky to share startup secrets publicly?

Sure, there's risk. But your vision, execution, and unique voice are your moats. Nobody can copy that.

Research from MIT Sloan suggests that sharing openly can actually accelerate innovation and create stronger market positioning. Google's open-source approach demonstrates this principle at scale.

Final Thoughts (Because "Conclusion" is Boring)

Building in public isn't a strategy. It's a lifestyle shift. A mindset. An invitation to let people into the journey before you "make it."

And honestly? That journey — the messy, beautiful, soul-cracking middle — is the best part.

So, here's to building startups with heart. Here's to dating yourself first. And here's to letting the world watch as you fall back in love with the process.

The Future of Work report from McKinsey predicts that authentic, purpose-driven companies will see 40% higher talent retention in the coming decade. As we navigate an increasingly digital world, the companies and products that thrive will be those built with transparency, community involvement, and genuine purpose.

Wanna follow the journey?

Drop your email below or come say hey on LinkedIn — I'd love to connect with fellow builders, self-daters, and curious minds!